Lesson Fify-Five: The Difficult Customer

The truly difficult customer -- the pure jerk — is a rare genetic anomaly.

He was born that way. And he has the deep misfortune of living that way his whole life. When you run into him, take solace in the fact that being him is much worse than dealing with him.

Every other difficult customer is the result of a misunderstanding between her and you. Her version of reality and your version are separate and disharmonious. So that angry, irrational person yelling at you over the phone, or red-faced and spitting curses at you on the other side of the counter, is really a nice, ordinary person at the end of her rope.

I have a personal principle that describes this phenomenon: Reality is subjective, but perception absolute.

Human beings lack the conceptual ability to see objectively. Reality, for us, is just an idea and a set of physical laws. It doesn't really exist.Our perception of reality is the thing that guides us. It's a narrow, biased and flawed interpretation. But it's all we've got.

I was going to tell you a story of one of my difficult clients, but then I realized I'm a much more difficult person than any of my clients. As this story will show.

I had stopped to the grocery store to get treats for Jess and I.We have three small children and very little adult time together.Many nights someone has an earache or bad dream or just can't sleep and invades our adult time. That night we were determined to bunker down in front of the TV and enjoy a movie uninterrupted by little people. I'd picked out popcorn, soda, and expensive, indulgent chocolates.

I went to pay for my purchase.

"Do you have a Club Card?" the cashier asked.

"Yes," I told her, "but not on me.My wife carries it."

"What is your telephone number?" I told her and she typed it into her computerized register. "Your number isn't in the computer. If you had a club card, you would save $4.38 on your purchase," she said.

"I do have a card. In fact, I've signed up for two cards and neither seem to ever make it into your system." This had happened before and every other time the cashier had taken my word for it and given me the discount. I waited for her to do it, but she wouldn't.

Are you calling me I liar, I thought, starring at her.

After a minute I said, "I'm not paying full price, I have two club cards."

"You need to carry your card with you. There is nothing I can do," she said.

There was a pause as she waited for me to pay, then I said "Forget it. I'm leaving." And I stormed out.

When I got to the parking lot I was red hot. I had a nice, relaxing night planned. They were not going to ruin it for me. I work hard. I'm a good father. I have two club cards. I deserve my bloody discount!

I paused at the car and looked in my wallet in one last desperate hope. The Club Card was there!

Snacks were saved, our night was saved, the kids would stay asleep.

That cashier isn't going to ruin my night, I said to myself with resolve.

I'll show her who's the liar.

I stormed back into the store and marched up to the same cashier. "I found my card," I said, handing it to her in victory. "I'm not a liar now, am I?" I spat rhetorically.

"I'm sorry I don't understand," she said.

"You wouldn't give me the discount. Every other time I've come in the store, the cashier gives me a discount on a card she keeps in her draw er. You wouldn't."

"We're not allowed to do that anymore. It's a new rule." And then at that moment our two separate realities collided. I understood her, she understood me. The dysfunction was resolved. And now I felt petty and stupid.

I paid her and left.

We are all somebody else's bad customers at one time or another. And it is almost always because of poor communication. The next time you come across a difficult customer, could you take a peek into his reality?